Picture the scene; a band of hunters moves slowly across a neolithic landscape in search of a suitable edible four-legged mammal to take back to their village. They need to take something back home with them because that’s what they do; they are men and they are judged on results. The biggest and strongest will get the best cuts, the greatest glory and access to the prettiest girls. Today they are hunters but tomorrow they may be warriors. This time the spears and arrows will terrorise and eviscerate. There is no mercy. There can’t be, it’s them or us. No room for sentiment or error. They do this because that’s what a man is.
Today we temper our savagery with rules and ethics. Sometimes the violence is just as brutal in war zones around the world. Just as often we see the aggression and passion for the hunt played out on the pitches at Old Trafford and the Emirates Stadium. Athletics tracks everywhere give us a place to be the best, the fastest, the strongest. Men have always done this because that’s what a man is and that’s what a man does.
As men, this is what evolution has made us and culture has reinforced the stereotype. But there is a paradox here. Every winner creates multiple losers. The norm is not to be the winner. The norm is to be like most other people. Many men live with depression but don’t speak up early enough because they don’t want to show weakness. Many live with the searing destruction of anxiety but are too scared to admit that they are too scared. Mental health conditions are normal within any society but for men we are often afraid of admitting who we really are and what we really feel because of the impact on our lives. We are men; we will shoulder the burden. We will pull ourselves together. We will not show weakness.
That’s all very well until the burden becomes too heavy and we’ve gone so far down the road that it’s almost impossible to go back on our own. When we stretch out a hand will there be someone there – someone who is capable of listening without judging, capable of seeing a way back to wholeness when we can barely see through the tears which we will not cry because we are men and that’s what a man doesn’t do? There are those people out there who are ready and willing to help. Of course there are challenges. How can you live a life when your agoraphobia won’t let you leave the house? How can you make a wholesome, lasting relationship when everyone in your past abandoned and abused you? There is hope out there and there are people who can help you make that hope a reality. For goodness sake don’t hold onto the outdated picture of what a man is and what a man does. Reimagine a landscape where not everyone is a hunter or a warrior. Imagine a landscape with you in it where you have a right to be and where you can take your place. Imagine a landscape full of men, some of whom have mental health needs which are being met and where others are walking alongside them. You want to see an image of a real man? Then look in the mirror. Then go downstairs and hunt down someone who can help. Go on, do it now.